My Divorced Twelve Days Of Christmas!

The holiday season for those of us going through divorce can be a lonely and stressful time. I hope anyone who is reading this knows we are not the only ones going through this difficult time, there are so many of us, and our numbers still seem to be increasing. 

To give myself a laugh I decided to create my own Twelve Days Of Christmas, please excuse my artistic license and I hope you get a smile from it!

On the twelfth day of Christmas my almost-ex gave to me: 

Twelve summons brain numbing, 
Eleven demands griping,
Ten calls kept me from sleeping, 
Nine levied financing, 
Eight bills a-bilking, 
Seven lies a-hymning, 
Six hairs a-graying, 
Five olden flings, 
Four brawling words, 
Three Benched Friends, 
Two curtailed loves,
And a court date for alimony!

Yes, he is already trying to get it lowered and we are not even finished yet and it has been over two years.

Ah well, Happy Holidays!

Do Nice Guys (Women) Always Finish Last?

I have been the nice guy is this divorce since day one. After my hopefully-soon-to-be ex moved out, I called around to find out who his attorney was. It isn't hard to do, the person answering the phone gets an odd sound in their voice and they say they will get back to you. So I picked an attorney I knew would play well with his attorney. 

These attorneys have done this dance together representing opposite sides for decades and I guess it is going so smoothly that NOTHING is happening. In over two years we have had exactly one hearing, my support hearing, I am thankful for that but everything else has been at a standstill.

Everything (no matter how odd) that I have been asked to has been completed in a timely manner including a third (yes, crazy I know) appraisal on the house. My hopefully-soon-to-be ex has not, which is why things are at a standstill. 

When I asked about a court order to move things along I was told that it would take too much time and be expensive. Now I wish I had followed through on it when I asked the first time around, about a year ago. I have a feeling we would be farther along if I had pushed the issue.

I have also been the nice guy about bills my hopefully-soon-to-be ex is supposed to pay for, paying them out of my support instead of requesting payment through the attorneys which of course would cost more time and money. 

Then this morning I receive a notice for an amount of under $10.00 for a shared expense from my hopefully-soon-to-be ex. This is the day I stop being the nice guy, I only wish I could see his face when he gets MY bill!

Off With Their Heads!

After my daughter's hospital stay, I realized how we all need to stand up for ourselves and what we believe to be true. We are experts in how we feel within our own bodies and I am learning to listen more carefully to myself.

My daughter had been to the same doctor multiple times because she was not feeling well and each time the doctor asked why she was there, there was nothing wrong with her. That is how she ended up in the hospital. I wish I could have been there to stand up for her but it so hard to parent an adult child   on another coast.

Now my son and a medication. He has not been eating at all, so I looked into the side effects and no appetite was at the top of the list. A body needs to eat, no nutrition means no health; mental or physical! Two years have passed with no improvement and I am finally seeking out alternative therapies. I wish I had not waited this long but I didn't realize nothing was improving until everything hit rock bottom.

I couldn't help but think of Alice in Wonderland because that is how I feel, falling down the rabbit hole of divorce, trying to make sense of this new land that keeps changing. Every corner I turn there is another odd occurrence, another Caterpillar or Queen to listen to even though they may be speaking nonsense.

I just hope someday soon I come out the other side more aware of who is a Mad Hatter and who is not.

A Rose by Any Other Name!

After all of this divorce nonsense is over I am considering just using my first name or maybe my first and middle name as my legal name. All of my other last names have been borrowed for awhile from other men, not ever really feeling like my own. 

My first last name and name at birth was borrowed from my father. My father left us and the name seemed empty. This first last name only lasted until I was eight or nine and then I was adopted by my mother's second husband. 

My mother's second husband abused me and died by the time I was 12. I often think his death saved me from experiencing further trauma. I used this name until I married my hopefully soon-to-be-ex, glad to be rid of it at last.

This latest last name I have decided will be my last. I have used it for the longest time period of my life. It is the name I let rob me of my dreams and my future. It changed the direction of my life and I let it happen, I guess as I had let the other names control my life when I was a child. Each time shedding the life that came with it. This latest last name means nothing to me now but carries a connection that my other previous last names did not. This last name is also my children's last name which I guess is supposed to mean we are a family. I wonder how they will feel when I drop this last facade of my life. 

I think I will wait until they are old enough to understand how important it is for all of us to have our own identity and be able to choose our own destiny and not allow anyone to choose it for us.

Planes, Pains and Hospitals

It’s funny how we think we are in control of our lives and then karma or the cosmos come into play and all of a sudden you are on a plane traveling to a destination you had not planned. To make things even more interesting you end up on the same flight as your ex and …wait for it yes, seated right next to him. Boy did he look surprised, and not the good surprised either. He doesn’t really speak to me as this divorce drags on and the feeling sitting here is beyond awkward. God has a really good sense of humor!

Not sure why we have been pulled from our lives and brought to this moment. I believe things happen for a reason so it will be interesting to see what happens next. Our daughter went to the ER last night and is now in a hospital in the middle of nowhere.  I hope she will be ok, that is all I really want. That’s all any of us want for our children is to be healthy and happy, happy is good!

I am hoping that he can put away any resentment and just be here for her. As I have told him before that even though we are no longer married, we will always be a family albeit a broken strange one, but a family nonetheless!

Divorce: If I Knew Then What I Know Now!!

It hasn't been an easy couple of years, and I can't see an end to it yet! Divorcing a narcissist is a long, drawn out event. The narc always believes they are right, just like they always have. I have done everything requested of me but I just learned that he is still holding out on items that he needs to do-still. It is totally out of my control just like always.

If I had known I would be divorced at any time of this weird relationship, I would have made the move to divorce instead of trying to stay in an unhealthy marriage. I wouldn't have to attempt to rebuild my life at this late stage when I am supposed to be looking forward to growing old gracefully and an empty nest.

The narcissist picked an incredibly bad time to leave and my teen at home is still dealing with major depression, multiple medications and trying to finish high school. Of course I am taking care of this all on my own.

My kids now face a future with no family, and possible problematic relationships of their own as we were not appropriate role models to base a good marriage on.  I didn't want them to grow up without a dad but that may have been the better choice.

Maybe they could have had a new and improved loving family instead of none.

At least the part where I am trying to reinvent myself seems to be working out, here are links to two current articles.

Huffington Post Divorce section: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-its-like-to-get-a-divorce-and-start-over-at-58_55f84fc5e4b09ecde1d9d303

Divorced Moms: http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/frenemies-3-reasons-ill-never-be-friends-with-my-ex

Thanks for following along and I hope someone out there knows that they are not alone.

An Open Letter To My Replacement (The Other Woman)!

I've been meaning to write to you for a long time now. I've finally realized (not that I spend a lot of time thinking about it) that when you came in for your job interview, you were interviewing my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex for much more than he was interviewing you for. You were looking for an easier life not just a job. You were looking for a Sugar Daddy, and he fit the bill quite nicely as he was already in full blown mid-life crisis mode.

After he hired you (of course he hired you) I was nice to you, I welcomed you and told you I hoped you would like working here. I was being honest as he was not a nice man to work for and I often joked that he needed a revolving door as most employees didn't stay that long. I never thought anyone would deliberately go after a married man. I am the type that always tries to see the best in people, I guess that isn't always the case.

You knew he had a family and you didn't care. I had hoped that maybe you would want a family too, that if you got pregnant maybe this divorce would move along quickly, it hasn't. Silly me, I didn't realize you had been married before to someone your own age. I guess you didn't like the lifestyle it afforded you. After all making a life together from scratch is hard work, I know, I helped make this life you are now enjoying.

I didn't want to believe that women did these things to each other. As long as they do men will continue to be in charge of the world while we keep stabbing each other in the back (and waiting in line for the restroom, but that is another story). I will never do that, I am a great supporter of my kind.

I don't think you realize that you did not steal him from me. He was already gone. He left emotionally after we had children, one day at a time for many years. So in closing, I would like to thank you, you saved me from spending the rest of my life with someone that didn't deserve me!

Back To School, My Countdown To A Really Empty Nest!

Shopping at the mall, watching all of the families with young children brought back memories of back to school shopping when my kids were young. They look so happy, unaware of any changes the future might bring. Did we look this innocent and happy and when exactly did we change? Could other people see it before we realized it ourselves?

I just experienced my last back to school shopping trip! Now that my last "child" is entering their senior year of high school I am looking into a future not shared with a husband happily reconnecting after raising a family together, but an uncertain future, I guess of reconnecting with myself. 

We are all leaving home to start new futures. It will be strange, I've never lived alone. At least now I am free to choose where I want to live, what my home will be and what I will put into that home without having to ask anyone's opinion. 

I'm sure it will be strange for my kids too, they will not have a "home" that they grew up in to come back to. Instead hopefully it will be a better home, with new memories to be made and shared as we all start our new lives together, apart!

Real grownups at last!

The Narcissist: A Field Guide

I didn't know he was a narcissist when we met on the beach so many years ago. I really didn't even realize it until after he moved out about 30 years later. I wish someone would have warned me but narcissists are a sneaky bunch and good at camouflage so they can easily appear to be someone they are not.

My list for recognizing a narcissist comes from years of living with one, the hard part it that when you are in the middle of the relationship it is very difficult to realize it. Listening to friends was one of my downfalls as they always tried to make me feel better by offering good explanations for what I was experiencing.

So, If you are speaking to them and their eyes glaze over, they could be a narcissist!

If you go to restaurants and you can never accept the first table you are offered, they could be a narcissist!

If you have something bad happen to you and it doesn't seem to phase them, they could be a narcissist! 

If they do something nice and expect to be thanked too many times, they could be a narcissist!

If they fish for compliments too many times, they could be a narcissist!

If you say something about them that they don't like and they freak out, they could be a narcissist!

If they say things about you to elevate their own self worth, they could be a narcissist!

If they can never see your side of an argument, they could be a narcissist!

If you feel they never "have your back", they could be a narcissist!

If you constantly feel stressed and not yourself anymore, they could be a narcissist!

If you start thinking you are the crazy one, congratulations you have identified a narcissist!

The Divorce Dance: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back.

Summer is here and my daughter is finally home from college. I am so happy to have her home but now a little stressed too, her dad (my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex) sold her car and then made a promise to her that she could drive one of his cars while she was here. Yes I said ONE of his cars..... and as usual he says that he never told her that she could use his car.  Not surprised, he never seemed to remember whatever he said and he never seemed to hear what anyone else had to say either.

Then this morning he calls to say he is going to take me back to court to lower my support payments. Back to court when we aren't even finished yet. Back to court will only delay the progress we have made, and we are finally getting close to the end. I told him his attorney is only delaying the process to get more money. I told him if he wants to take me back to court that is fine but could he please wait until we are finished with the first time before he takes me back. 

He is crying poor, he says he hasn't made as much money in the years since we have been divorcing, of course not, he is spending money on his young girlfriend and taking lots of time off of work to be with her. He never took time off when we were married, work was always more important to him. He always chose work dinners over dinner at home with our family too.

Now he wants to work on mediation without our attorneys. He brought up the past (a really twisted version) and I remembered how he can only understand his own point of view. There is no way to mediate with someone unless they can appreciate both sides. In business a "win win" situation is the best outcome. That was not what he was offering.

Forward, back, cha cha cha!

Happy Birthday To Me!

Well I just celebrated my second birthday in the void between marriage and divorce, two years in, still not finished and unable to see the end yet. It was a better birthday, my son and I traveled for the first time alone. This year he was finally ready to experience a new "family vacation", I was so thankful for that! Last year he refused to go anywhere, the vacation memories were too painful.

We didn't over schedule, we didn't rush, we didn't see many of the must see sights, but what we did do was relearn how to experience a vacation without rushing. No longer needing to follow the breakneck speed that my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex set for us we set our own pace, finally able to enjoy a vacation without a schedule to follow.

It was wonderful, we woke up when we felt like it, we wandered the streets and we spoke to and were nice to people, something we were never allowed to do before. Traveling with my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex meant always being on the alert, watching and being careful to not look anyone in the eye, walking at such a fast pace that we missed living in the moment.

It was great, we made it safely, we didn't lose anything, we didn't miss any flights, we weren't hurt or taken advantage of and we really enjoyed each others company. We proved to ourselves that we could plan a trip and travel without stress and just enjoy the total experience!

Baby You Can('t) Drive My Car!

I just found out my almost soon-to-be-ex (but not soon enough) just sold our daughter’s 16th birthday present. She wanted a car so badly, it was all she talked about, so we surprised her with a car; a cute little red car. The color she wanted: red, but also what we wanted: safe. She is away at college and so she only used it when she was in town but it was her birthday gift for one of the most special birthdays. The birthday when a teenager is finally given a little freedom. Freedom to choose where they want to go instead of being told. The freedom to get themselves to school without having to wait to be picked up. A beginning of choosing their own destiny and our own beginnings of understanding that they will be away from us, out in the world on their own and they will be ok (even though we still worry, after all we’re moms, it’s our job).

We spent so many months looking for the car. So much research on used cars. We drove so many hours away to finally purchase the car and still had to look at more than a few others before we bought the car. On her birthday he made such a big deal out of it giving it to her. She had to be blind folded and led out onto the driveway, he had to videotape and photograph her response. All of the wonderful memories attached to this special car now damaged like the rest of our family memories. 

He didn’t let any of us know he was going to sell it, so when my son noticed that he was driving behind his sister’s car, he was more than a little surprised. So was she when he texted her to let her know. Just as surprised as I was when the texted me. I told him he had been given the serendipitous chance to follow it one more time. I wish my almost soon-to-be-ex had let me know that he was selling it, and the memories along with it.  I would have bought the car for her again, trying to preserve our damaged family happy memories as only a mother can. 

My Cheap fashion fix to be added later :)

Welcome To My Single Parenting Nightmare!

You haven't felt the real pain of parenting (at least not since childbirth) until your almost adult son does not come home on a school night. I didn't sleep at all last night and it feels like every nerve in my body is on fire. I'm sure this is something only another mother could understand. It is 1:30 the next day and he is still not home. He finally texted me so at least I know he is alive but he is not here. He slept in and missed school which hasn't been going all that well this year anyway. He has also been ill and has missed his antibiotic again and now is probably making a super infection that he will never recover from. Oh well.

Just once I wish my hopefully soon-to-be-ex would step in and show concern for his son. Why can't he ask his son live with him? Silly me, I almost forgot his girlfriend is closer to his son's age than his own (and more handsome too). I'm getting tired of being the only parent. Why did his dad get to leave the family and begin a fun, carefree life again? How can someone just step away from the responsibilities of child rearing? I think a lot of this behavior is probably seeking attention from his father. Is he going to have to hit rock bottom before his dad shows he cares and more important how much further down is the bottom? Hold on tight, it's going to be a bumpy ride!

For My Cheap Fashion Fix, here is a link to my continued trek of the desert thrift stores!

http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/05/exploring-la-quinta-thrift-stores.html

Mother's Day Reflections

This was my second Mother's Day since the divorce started and the second without my daughter (who I miss like crazy). Looking back on all the Mother's Days that I have celebrated,  I really have to say that this was the best Mother's Day I have had in such a long time! My son actually spent the day with me, a whole day that started with lunch and ended with a movie and dinner.  I really couldn't believe my luck! He was sweet and kind to me the entire day.

That may sound strange but if you had been a fly on the wall of my many past Mother's Days when my children were small you would think you had entered into a theatre production of Cinderella (without the prince, the sparkly gown, or even the Godmother for that matter). My hopefully soon-to-be-ex would fix breakfast (usually with my help) and then leave me to clear the table and do the dishes. I did receive gifts (my favorites were the little painted hand prints) but after they were opened it was business as usual as I cleaned the house and ran errands.

They were not raised in a warm loving household (well I was loving but it was a cold place) with Mother's Day beginning with kids and a dad making breakfast for a mom still sleeping in bed.
I believe children learn by example but my son's thoughtfulness on Sunday gave me hope for my children's future Mother's Days.

For My Cheap Fashion Fix my new article on Divorcedmoms.com shopping for discount designer fashion: http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/ten-great-ways-to-shop-for-designer-fashion-at-a-discount

This (Relation)Ship is Sinking, It's Everyman (or Woman) For Himself!!

It has been such a horribly difficult year. My son is so unhappy, he can't make himself go to school and it is his junior year, the worst time for this to be happening. I am always here for him even if he is not home. He told me yesterday that he hates me and doesn't respect me. I am not surprised, he never wants to be at home, (well at house our home-life was lost almost two years ago). 

I don't have a social life (or friends as they ran like divorce is something you can catch). I am as supportive as I can possibly be and I am trying to model happy behavior (children learn through example) as I have told him being happy is a skill that lasts a lifetime! 

Meanwhile my still hopefully soon-to-be-ex has been living the good life. No responsibilities, free as a bird to do as he pleases. He finally sent me an email stating that he is very concerned about our son's school situation and if he had known our son was having so many problems he would have done something sooner. I reminded him that this was part of our court discussion last year. I also reminded him that he has known all along and has done nothing (probably due to the effects of new love, such a wonderful mind numbing state to be in).

My goal this year is to find some happiness of my own. I need some mind numbing love too and these two need to fix their own relationship. Point me to the life raft! 

If you have been reading my blog you know that part of my life raft has been budget shopping and writing (so much cheaper than a therapist). Here are links to my latest of both (and thanks for sharing my journey).

My DivorcedMoms.com article: How I Married The Wrong Person http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/how-i-married-the-wrong-person

My Cheap Fashion Fix: Chillin' Outside of Coachella! http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/04/chillin-outside-of-coachella.html?spref=tw

It's That Time of Year!

For the first time in my life (since the 80's anyway) I am doing my taxes on my own. While I really don't enjoy doing paperwork of any kind (who does) this year is quite enjoyable since I am not being ragged on by anyone but me. The best news I found out so far is that I don't have to pay taxes on child support, yipee! You have to look for the little enjoyments in life when you are going through a divorce.

Of course it is not without any flareups from my still hopefully soon-to-be-ex. The other night I received the nastiest email I think I have ever received in my life. I should have expected it, money was always the most important thing to him and he doesn't think that after 24 years of marriage that I should have any. Maybe he received the report from the vocational counselor that told him that after so many years off of the job market that it was true I was unemployable.

Whatever the reason, I let him know that none of this was my choice. I am just trying to bide my time until all of the paperwork is finished and we can pretend we never knew each other. (yes that's sad too, after so many years of marriage he doesn't want to be friends !)

Of well to cheer myself up I go shopping and here is the link to my latest therapeutic purchase.

It's cheaper that therapy and I get to go home with something I really like!

http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/03/double-take-consignment-boutique.html

I Have Become Comfortably Numb.

Well, my almost ex-mother-in-law never made it out of the coma. Her children took her off of life support and she died the next day. Sad really, my hopefully soon-to-be-ex wasn't even there when she passed. He was there when his dad died and could have been there for her but wasn't.  

My almost ex asked that I not attend the funeral even though I asked if I could. I even said I would sit in the back. I think he was afraid I would say something about our impending divorce, I don't think he has told his family about his girlfriend even though it will soon be two years. I wouldn't have said a thing, bad timing and in my past now. Doesn't matter anyway I will probably never see these people again, now that his parents are both gone. The end of an era. Almost as if they were never here.

I wish I could have been there for my daughter. Her first funeral, I wanted to be there to support her but I wasn't allowed. I wonder how she felt. Her dad had tried to make our son feel bad about not going, so I am unsure of how supportive he would have been. It is more his style to want to be supported. 

I did send a beautiful spray of flowers, that held the message that we loved her and would miss her. On her funeral page was the request of a donation to a cause in lieu of flowers but I knew this woman for over 30 years and she would have wanted the flowers. I sent them from her favorite florist, kind of a last order for her. I hope she liked them!

A link to My Cheap Fashion Fix, she wouldn't have liked this, she only shopped at the best stores! http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/

Divorce and Life: Exercises in Letting Go!

Last night I learned that my ex-mother-in-law is in a coma in the hospital. I have known this woman for over 30 years. Years ago when we went to Disneyland I was the one who pushed her wheelchair all day in the heat (it was 102 degrees that day).

She suffered a stroke. I feel this probably happened because her children were making plans to put her into an assisted living facility and the stress was too much for her. Change is difficult, especially as we get older. She raised a lot of children and no one would take her in.  With no pets to comfort her, she rarely received visits and she lived alone.

I had been a part of this family for so long that I can remember when she was getting ready to put her own mother into a retirement home.  Her mother didn't want to go either, but it was getting dangerous for her to live unassisted. She also had so many children and not one of them would take her in. I recollect that my almost ex-mother-in-law didn't even call her mom; she addressed her by her first name. I remember thinking how sad that she didn't feel close enough to her to call her mom.

Maybe I was never really part of the family (even after all of those years), when my hopefully soon-to-be-ex left no one called to see if I was ok, or even to see if the kids were alright (at least they are blood relatives). Now I think they may just not be a warm caring family, or maybe my soon to be ex-mother-in-law didn't model caring behavior (or her mother for that matter). I believe most of us have dysfunctional families in one-way or another.

I really hope she comes out of the coma. I don't think I would be welcome at the funeral. We didn't attend her husband's funeral years ago because my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex didn't want to pay for the airfare (too expensive for just a few days) and I think he probably told his family it was my fault for not attending.

So much to let go of and so much to look forward to embrace!

Here is my latest Cheap Fashion Fix!

http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/02/fashion-week-season.html

My Hopefully-Soon-To-Be-Ex: Poster Child for Midlife Crisis!

Shame on me, I should have known; the new Porsche, working out too much and constantly fishing for compliments with "I look pretty good for my age" over and over and over (he didn't, no matter how much he worked out). You starting dying your hair and then the final straw: when you looked at me, I felt your eyes say "meh"!

I knew then we wouldn't grow old together and be like the old couples you still see holding hands as they walk together down the street.

When I met you, you were wearing khakis and polo shirts. A nerd from the east. You weren't cool before you met me.

You called me the recalcitrant teenager when all along I was just being myself and you were becoming the teenager-again.

You will never know how difficult it is for a single mom to raise a teenage son, alone. You left at a point in his life when he needed you the most. An almost man; he needs a man to learn how to be a man. But how could teach him anyway as you were becoming a teenager again?

I remember a time that feels so long ago, before we had children we would go out to dinner and observe over the hill men having dinner with naive young women. We would smile and comment on how nice we thought it was that they were taking their daughters to dinner. 

If I ever run into you with your new amore, I will try my best not to congratulate you on your new daughter!

Here is the link to my latest Cheap Fashion Fix, a visit to a consignment boutique!

http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/02/repeat-boutique-consignment.html

Stuck In Time! (I Would Have Called it Frozen, but This is no Disney Tale!)

Still not divorced with no end in sight! Everything has come to a complete standstill. My hopefully soon to be ex started all of this and it is because of him that everything has come to a halt. Not surprised actually, he is a control freak and I'm sure this is his way of being controlling. Everything my attorney asks for is ignored and everything my hopefully soon to be ex asks for is completed due to my having picked the nice attorney.  Or is it because I am the woman and the old boy network we have hired expects it of me?

Like next week I am going to see a court ordered vocational counselor. I have been out of the job market for 27 years, who on earth would hire me? He is requesting this because after all of my years of servitude he doesn't want to pay me alimony. In his out of touch world he actually thinks I am hirable. I wish that I was, I had a career I loved and I gave it up. I should have had my head examined. 

Every choice in our lives, he chose, where we lived, our furniture even the dishes. He will have a surprise as this experience draws to a close he will also have to pay me for all of our stuff that he chose!

I'm sorry this post has no humor in it, I feel like I am starting to lose it! But I still enjoy fashion and here is my latest blog about Paris Haute Couture week, I can dream can't I?

http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/01/paris-haute-couture-fashion-week.html

My Theory of Everything!

A new year, another chance to start over. I only hope this one will be happier for my son. His father has stopped responding to my texts or emails that I send only when it is something important and that I am legally obligated to let him know. After all he is still his father even though he doesn't act like it. He is acting like a man without any responsibilities, how am I supposed to co-parent under these circumstances? 

Now to add to my son's depression his dad wasn't even in town for the holidays. Doesn't he realize what he is doing to his child? Does he even care? How can some people put their own happiness before their child's? I put my son's needs before my own. I brought him into this world and I am going to take care of him until he is grown and on his own. I only hope he will grow into a happier man. 

I think my hopefully soon to be ex is probably mad because the court ordered him to pay alimony. I gave up my life and my career to help him with his career, and I know he doesn't feel my life was worth anything. After 30 years I was so easily replaced by someone almost half my age. 

I was thinking about the movie "The Theory of Everything". Would our understanding of the universe have been forever changed if Stephen had been Stephanie? Would a man have been as supportive of a brilliant disabled female physicist? Even from his wheelchair and without a voice of his own Stephen Hawking left his wife of 30 years for the nurse he met while he was hospitalized. Really? I guess I shouldn't feel too bad about being replaced.

January seems a good time to start linking my other blog: My Cheap Fashion Fix, with hopes of giving more information on fashion and deals!

http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2014/12/woodstock-in-honor-of-joe-cocker.html