Ghosts of Christmas Past!

Wrapping presents for Christmas morning I thought about all of the Christmases we have spent in this house. Next year will probably be the last one spent in this house, my home for the longest period of my life and all of my children's life. The only home they have ever known.

This year is no different from any other Christmas when the kids were small. I always shopped alone for all the presents and always wrapped them by myself, alone, trying so hard to make the perfect Christmas for my family.

Looking back I feel really bad that I raised my kids with such a controlling father. Even when they were very small, they were never allowed to run to the tree, to express their joy openly and freely as children should be allowed to do. Their dad had to videotape their entrance no matter how many times it took for him to get the shot he was looking for.

I really hope for their sake they can take and remember the good parts of their Christmases growing up and maybe even use a part for their own holiday traditions as they build new families of their own and maybe if I am lucky they will allow me to be part of the fun too!

No Cheap Fashion Fix for today, but my newest article for Divorcedmoms.com; my Christmas gift: Favorite romantic holiday scenes just in time! I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!  
http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/my-10-favorite-romantic-holiday-movie-scenes 

I Never Realized I Was Sleeping The Enemy!

Wow, getting divorced is an eye opening experience! Who is this strange man I am at war with? Every document that comes from his lawyer's office is filled with so many lies that I am left speechless, (I shouldn't be surprised during my marriage I never had a voice anyway). I feel like that famous painting "The Scream" by Edvard Munch. I am screaming at the top of my lungs, but no one hears me.

After surrendering my life (oh, so many years) to build his life, now he doesn't want to pay alimony. Again I shouldn't be surprised, he never valued what I had given up (just my life, no biggie). Why is it that I am still on the receiving end of so much crap? Why is he allowed to lie on most of the legal correspondence? Why is he making this take so long? I thought HE wanted to get divorced?

Now for the next hoop I am supposed to jump through: a vocational evaluation! On top of destroying my life now I am supposed to support myself and my child and get a job after being off of the job market for 26 years? Really? Who is going to hire someone my age who has been off of my career path for that long? Especially in this job market when so many people are looking for work.

And who is supposed to be there for my son, who is going through such horrible sadness that it breaks my heart? Am I supposed to abandon him too?

"The Scream" sold for a record $120 million dollars two years ago, I only wish that my scream was worth something!

My Cheap Fashion Fix!

A sweater by Victor Carlini. Actually made in the US! 

Found a similar sweater for sale on Poshmark for $15.00. 

I purchased this one for $4.99 at The Salvation Army Family Store.

I am Thankful That I Am Not Dealing with the "Turkey"!

This is the second holiday season without my still hopefully soon to be ex, and I am thankful. I am thankful he is not here making my life miserable everyday. I am thankful for my life and my two amazing teenagers. What I am not thankful for and will never be thankful for is the way he hurt his son to become a teenager himself again, and more than a year later my son is still working through his pain.  

I am also not thankful for the way our holidays have become divided. My daughter back east will celebrate with his relatives and my son and I will not celebrate as he really doesn't want to celebrate any holiday anymore. 

How can people leave their children. How can they not feel responsible for raising a child they had wanted so badly. How can they not want to be with them everyday? How can they not see how their actions can destroy another human being?

I am thankful for the thought that maybe we will all get through this, and I am thankful to all of you that let me share my thoughts, Happy Thanksgiving!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

In the color of the season T-shirt dress by All Saints purchased from 

The Salvation Army Thrift Store $6.00 T-shirt dresses range from $120-$160

They had some great deals and everyday they offer 

an additional percent off of a select section of the store.

Divorce Advice Said Best By Devo!

It was a lovely day! When a lot of the country is already trapped in snow, I still have Monarchs in my garden, the Milkweed I planted is keeping them here longer than I expected. "When a good time turns around you must whip it!"

I had to smile at the memory of how angry my husband had been when I ripped out the dead overgrown bushes. I had decided to make the garden a living beautiful place and it is. Butterflies and hummingbirds are here everyday and I'm glad I had finally stood up for something I wanted and now I am still here to enjoy my work while he has been gone for over a year. "No one gets their way until they whip it!"

Today my son stated that he did not want to be here any longer. I am not sure yet what that exactly means. We will talk about it later. Everything is still stuck on hold. It's been over a month since the judge signed the support papers and I still have not received the money owed me from last year. Why go through having a judge finalize orders if it is not respected by the other side? Why does it seem like women are always the ones left waiting? "When something's going wrong you must whip it!"

Why can't I find anything humorous to add to this post? Humor is the only thing getting me through all of this. "You will never live it down unless you whip it!"

At least I can share my greatest Cheap Fashion Fix find yet! 
"It's not too late to whip it, whip it good!"

My Cheap Fashion Fix

An ivory voile burnout shirt regular price $44.00 purchased at Ross for $0.49!

Even I couldn't believe it, and it really looks great on!

In Divorce Land, When It Rains It Pours.

My support hearing came and went. The papers were finally filed and of course they had to contain an error. Then the papers finally got corrected.  So where is my corrected check? 

I heard from my daughter that her dad was mad because he has to pay me more money (so the nice attorney and the high road wasn't a bad choice) than the temporary support order so I know he knows, so why isn’t he paying? And why is he discussing this with her. We are not supposed to say any thing negative about the other parent. I don’t share any of legal proceedings with them; I just tell them everything will be fine.

Then (of course) in the middle of all of this my mom falls so I take her to the hospital. They check her in (after many hours in the ER) and order a load of tests. It turns out they think she has cancer, so they contact an oncologist. I am expecting the phone call, what I did not expect was to hear that my mom was being treated for colon cancer seven years ago. She never told anyone, and she stopped going for treatment. My husband never liked my mom and I was never allowed to help her, how could I with no real money of my own.

I feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, wondering when I will land on my feet again.

My Cheap Fashion Fix

A Dress from Banana Republic listed on EBay $14.99 

Purchased at Thrift Trader for $2.00

I didn't like the ruffle so I cut it off.

It's a Nice Day for a White Un-wedding!

Well, I have been separated for over a year and I just survived my first court date: my support hearing, the first step in all of the many legal proceedings to follow.  It was so difficult to just sit and let the opposing council make such slanderous remarks while my hopefully soon-to-be-ex just smiled.  I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that no one was allowed to speak except the judge and the attorneys.


Yes, I picked the nice attorney, (silly me) and he believes in taking the high road, which is how I believe in living life but I am finding this difficult in the divorce realm.  It upset me so much to hear the facts twisted into a horribly grotesque fairytale as I sat there with my mouth legally sealed shut, unable to scream. I even remarked afterwards to my ex that I didn't realize he wrote fiction. 

It's sad to think that a 30-year relationship ends this way. In a conference room with two strange men speaking what seems like a foreign language, a language filled with numbers and dates with no thought to what really matters; lives that were torn apart and emotions.

I think they should make you wear your wedding outfits, after all this is an un-marriage. You could walk in the conference room together and at the end of all of the legal proceedings you would be able to rip your hopefully soon-to-be-ex's clothing to shreds. 

It makes me feel better just thinking about it!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

I needed retail therapy and purchased these at Ross for $4.99.

Found on E-Bay for $49.99

Tough looking shoes to sooth my feelings that were stomped on ;)

My Tarnished Silver Anniversary!

Another month; another anniversary. This month I would have been married 25 years, (I guess I am still, due to being stuck in that legally separated void) the silver anniversary that people used to embrace if they were lucky enough to live that long. Evidently the tradition of the silver anniversary dates back to the people of medieval Germany, where the wife was given a wreath of silver. (Oh boy, she deserved that wreath and SO much more.)

It is hard to believe that a year has already gone by and my first support hearing is still a month away. It is no surprise why a lot of women end up financially destitute during this long waiting game. Life moves quickly, the wheels of justice I have found, do not.

The funny part of it, is that I feel like I have put 30 years into a dead end job. I wish (in the beginning) that when he revealed his story of how he told his old girlfriend that he was going running, never to return (to his own house I should add), that he would do the same thing to me so many years later.

I didn't realize he was a narcissist when we met. (It would be great if people came with warning labels, everything else does!) I guess it is because in the beginning he seemed self-assured, I didn't realize until it is too late that it was actually arrogance. His many scenes over the years were tiring. We could never sit at the first place we were offered when dining out, but had to play a mad musical chair game (without the music). It is nice to know that at least now I can sit wherever I want!

   MY Cheap Fashion FIx!

By Trouve

Black leather and spandex skirt

Regular price $148.00

Nordstrom Rack $22.20

I Just Realized I've Become a Member of The First Wives Club.

Last night on TV I watched The First Wives Club for the second time. It's funnier this time around and more poignant. It's fascinating how a movie seems to change when viewed from a different stage in your life. Of course, movies don't change, (unless it is a horrible remake) but our lives do.

The first time I saw it, I was married with a baby. I remember feeling that these women's fictional lives (while really funny) were absurd and so far removed my life; I couldn't imagine that happening to me. Watching it now I realize that I am now living through the same situation (although not as funny in real life), replaced by a much younger woman. It's only funny to me now because I have become a cliché, my story is no different from so many women before me, and I'm sure so many after me as well. I only wish that I had the same good, funny friends to share my experience with, but as many of life's experiences we must face it alone. 

I did discuss the younger woman phenomena with an old friend. We remembered older men chasing us when we were young and we wanted nothing to do with them, we were enjoying time spent with men our own age! The idea of dating an older married man (especially the married part) was something we would never have done. 

While the women in the movie became in charge of their divorces, today marks the date of separation on my divorce papers and my first day in court; my support hearing is still one month away. The movie had a happy ending, with the friends dancing down the street. I only hope that one day I will be done with this phase of my life and will be able to happily dance my way into my new life. 

My Cheap Fashion Fix

By Pinky 

Shear black pleated and 

ethnic print dress

$15.99 at Ross

Really love this dress!

Divorce, Destination Unknown!

Flying back east to take my daughter back to college. Another first: we are traveling alone this year, just the two of us. We picked up the rental car and started the long drive north to yet another state. The sky looked absolutely apocalyptic, dark and menacing clouds seem to block our path, like a scene from a bad movie, our lives and our destination looked bleak, as the skies seemed to warn us, of what I wasn’t sure.

Driving the same route through the same towns from memories of too many family trips to see my soon to be ex’s family. Not mine anymore, (they never even called to see how I was, or the kids; their own niece and nephew).  30 years…I guess I was never really a part of the family, or maybe they knew their brother well enough to know I wouldn’t be part of their family forever. Or maybe they aren’t considerate people.

All of those years, all of that precious time spent visiting people that really didn’t matter in the end. In a bleak area, pretending to be part of a family that I was never really a part of. Now my daughter is here, maybe all of those visits had a positive effect on her. Maybe she has happy memories of this place. If so, then it was worth every moment spent here. I will visit often and hopefully the scene will change for me too, from one of remorse to one of joy!  

I forgot to remember that every cloud really does have a silver lining.

Buying clothing in New Jersey is tax free!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

The perfect gray top for fall

by Elizabeth and James

Regular price $135.00

Purchased at Ross

$9.99