Happy Birthday To Me!

Well I just celebrated my second birthday in the void between marriage and divorce, two years in, still not finished and unable to see the end yet. It was a better birthday, my son and I traveled for the first time alone. This year he was finally ready to experience a new "family vacation", I was so thankful for that! Last year he refused to go anywhere, the vacation memories were too painful.

We didn't over schedule, we didn't rush, we didn't see many of the must see sights, but what we did do was relearn how to experience a vacation without rushing. No longer needing to follow the breakneck speed that my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex set for us we set our own pace, finally able to enjoy a vacation without a schedule to follow.

It was wonderful, we woke up when we felt like it, we wandered the streets and we spoke to and were nice to people, something we were never allowed to do before. Traveling with my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex meant always being on the alert, watching and being careful to not look anyone in the eye, walking at such a fast pace that we missed living in the moment.

It was great, we made it safely, we didn't lose anything, we didn't miss any flights, we weren't hurt or taken advantage of and we really enjoyed each others company. We proved to ourselves that we could plan a trip and travel without stress and just enjoy the total experience!

Baby You Can('t) Drive My Car!

I just found out my almost soon-to-be-ex (but not soon enough) just sold our daughter’s 16th birthday present. She wanted a car so badly, it was all she talked about, so we surprised her with a car; a cute little red car. The color she wanted: red, but also what we wanted: safe. She is away at college and so she only used it when she was in town but it was her birthday gift for one of the most special birthdays. The birthday when a teenager is finally given a little freedom. Freedom to choose where they want to go instead of being told. The freedom to get themselves to school without having to wait to be picked up. A beginning of choosing their own destiny and our own beginnings of understanding that they will be away from us, out in the world on their own and they will be ok (even though we still worry, after all we’re moms, it’s our job).

We spent so many months looking for the car. So much research on used cars. We drove so many hours away to finally purchase the car and still had to look at more than a few others before we bought the car. On her birthday he made such a big deal out of it giving it to her. She had to be blind folded and led out onto the driveway, he had to videotape and photograph her response. All of the wonderful memories attached to this special car now damaged like the rest of our family memories. 

He didn’t let any of us know he was going to sell it, so when my son noticed that he was driving behind his sister’s car, he was more than a little surprised. So was she when he texted her to let her know. Just as surprised as I was when the texted me. I told him he had been given the serendipitous chance to follow it one more time. I wish my almost soon-to-be-ex had let me know that he was selling it, and the memories along with it.  I would have bought the car for her again, trying to preserve our damaged family happy memories as only a mother can. 

My Cheap fashion fix to be added later :)