Welcome To My Single Parenting Nightmare!

You haven't felt the real pain of parenting (at least not since childbirth) until your almost adult son does not come home on a school night. I didn't sleep at all last night and it feels like every nerve in my body is on fire. I'm sure this is something only another mother could understand. It is 1:30 the next day and he is still not home. He finally texted me so at least I know he is alive but he is not here. He slept in and missed school which hasn't been going all that well this year anyway. He has also been ill and has missed his antibiotic again and now is probably making a super infection that he will never recover from. Oh well.

Just once I wish my hopefully soon-to-be-ex would step in and show concern for his son. Why can't he ask his son live with him? Silly me, I almost forgot his girlfriend is closer to his son's age than his own (and more handsome too). I'm getting tired of being the only parent. Why did his dad get to leave the family and begin a fun, carefree life again? How can someone just step away from the responsibilities of child rearing? I think a lot of this behavior is probably seeking attention from his father. Is he going to have to hit rock bottom before his dad shows he cares and more important how much further down is the bottom? Hold on tight, it's going to be a bumpy ride!

For My Cheap Fashion Fix, here is a link to my continued trek of the desert thrift stores!

http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/05/exploring-la-quinta-thrift-stores.html

Mother's Day Reflections

This was my second Mother's Day since the divorce started and the second without my daughter (who I miss like crazy). Looking back on all the Mother's Days that I have celebrated,  I really have to say that this was the best Mother's Day I have had in such a long time! My son actually spent the day with me, a whole day that started with lunch and ended with a movie and dinner.  I really couldn't believe my luck! He was sweet and kind to me the entire day.

That may sound strange but if you had been a fly on the wall of my many past Mother's Days when my children were small you would think you had entered into a theatre production of Cinderella (without the prince, the sparkly gown, or even the Godmother for that matter). My hopefully soon-to-be-ex would fix breakfast (usually with my help) and then leave me to clear the table and do the dishes. I did receive gifts (my favorites were the little painted hand prints) but after they were opened it was business as usual as I cleaned the house and ran errands.

They were not raised in a warm loving household (well I was loving but it was a cold place) with Mother's Day beginning with kids and a dad making breakfast for a mom still sleeping in bed.
I believe children learn by example but my son's thoughtfulness on Sunday gave me hope for my children's future Mother's Days.

For My Cheap Fashion Fix my new article on Divorcedmoms.com shopping for discount designer fashion: http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/ten-great-ways-to-shop-for-designer-fashion-at-a-discount

This (Relation)Ship is Sinking, It's Everyman (or Woman) For Himself!!

It has been such a horribly difficult year. My son is so unhappy, he can't make himself go to school and it is his junior year, the worst time for this to be happening. I am always here for him even if he is not home. He told me yesterday that he hates me and doesn't respect me. I am not surprised, he never wants to be at home, (well at house our home-life was lost almost two years ago). 

I don't have a social life (or friends as they ran like divorce is something you can catch). I am as supportive as I can possibly be and I am trying to model happy behavior (children learn through example) as I have told him being happy is a skill that lasts a lifetime! 

Meanwhile my still hopefully soon-to-be-ex has been living the good life. No responsibilities, free as a bird to do as he pleases. He finally sent me an email stating that he is very concerned about our son's school situation and if he had known our son was having so many problems he would have done something sooner. I reminded him that this was part of our court discussion last year. I also reminded him that he has known all along and has done nothing (probably due to the effects of new love, such a wonderful mind numbing state to be in).

My goal this year is to find some happiness of my own. I need some mind numbing love too and these two need to fix their own relationship. Point me to the life raft! 

If you have been reading my blog you know that part of my life raft has been budget shopping and writing (so much cheaper than a therapist). Here are links to my latest of both (and thanks for sharing my journey).

My DivorcedMoms.com article: How I Married The Wrong Person http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/how-i-married-the-wrong-person

My Cheap Fashion Fix: Chillin' Outside of Coachella! http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/04/chillin-outside-of-coachella.html?spref=tw

It's That Time of Year!

For the first time in my life (since the 80's anyway) I am doing my taxes on my own. While I really don't enjoy doing paperwork of any kind (who does) this year is quite enjoyable since I am not being ragged on by anyone but me. The best news I found out so far is that I don't have to pay taxes on child support, yipee! You have to look for the little enjoyments in life when you are going through a divorce.

Of course it is not without any flareups from my still hopefully soon-to-be-ex. The other night I received the nastiest email I think I have ever received in my life. I should have expected it, money was always the most important thing to him and he doesn't think that after 24 years of marriage that I should have any. Maybe he received the report from the vocational counselor that told him that after so many years off of the job market that it was true I was unemployable.

Whatever the reason, I let him know that none of this was my choice. I am just trying to bide my time until all of the paperwork is finished and we can pretend we never knew each other. (yes that's sad too, after so many years of marriage he doesn't want to be friends !)

Of well to cheer myself up I go shopping and here is the link to my latest therapeutic purchase.

It's cheaper that therapy and I get to go home with something I really like!

http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/03/double-take-consignment-boutique.html

I Have Become Comfortably Numb.

Well, my almost ex-mother-in-law never made it out of the coma. Her children took her off of life support and she died the next day. Sad really, my hopefully soon-to-be-ex wasn't even there when she passed. He was there when his dad died and could have been there for her but wasn't.  

My almost ex asked that I not attend the funeral even though I asked if I could. I even said I would sit in the back. I think he was afraid I would say something about our impending divorce, I don't think he has told his family about his girlfriend even though it will soon be two years. I wouldn't have said a thing, bad timing and in my past now. Doesn't matter anyway I will probably never see these people again, now that his parents are both gone. The end of an era. Almost as if they were never here.

I wish I could have been there for my daughter. Her first funeral, I wanted to be there to support her but I wasn't allowed. I wonder how she felt. Her dad had tried to make our son feel bad about not going, so I am unsure of how supportive he would have been. It is more his style to want to be supported. 

I did send a beautiful spray of flowers, that held the message that we loved her and would miss her. On her funeral page was the request of a donation to a cause in lieu of flowers but I knew this woman for over 30 years and she would have wanted the flowers. I sent them from her favorite florist, kind of a last order for her. I hope she liked them!

A link to My Cheap Fashion Fix, she wouldn't have liked this, she only shopped at the best stores! http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/

Divorce and Life: Exercises in Letting Go!

Last night I learned that my ex-mother-in-law is in a coma in the hospital. I have known this woman for over 30 years. Years ago when we went to Disneyland I was the one who pushed her wheelchair all day in the heat (it was 102 degrees that day).

She suffered a stroke. I feel this probably happened because her children were making plans to put her into an assisted living facility and the stress was too much for her. Change is difficult, especially as we get older. She raised a lot of children and no one would take her in.  With no pets to comfort her, she rarely received visits and she lived alone.

I had been a part of this family for so long that I can remember when she was getting ready to put her own mother into a retirement home.  Her mother didn't want to go either, but it was getting dangerous for her to live unassisted. She also had so many children and not one of them would take her in. I recollect that my almost ex-mother-in-law didn't even call her mom; she addressed her by her first name. I remember thinking how sad that she didn't feel close enough to her to call her mom.

Maybe I was never really part of the family (even after all of those years), when my hopefully soon-to-be-ex left no one called to see if I was ok, or even to see if the kids were alright (at least they are blood relatives). Now I think they may just not be a warm caring family, or maybe my soon to be ex-mother-in-law didn't model caring behavior (or her mother for that matter). I believe most of us have dysfunctional families in one-way or another.

I really hope she comes out of the coma. I don't think I would be welcome at the funeral. We didn't attend her husband's funeral years ago because my hopefully-soon-to-be-ex didn't want to pay for the airfare (too expensive for just a few days) and I think he probably told his family it was my fault for not attending.

So much to let go of and so much to look forward to embrace!

Here is my latest Cheap Fashion Fix!

http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/02/fashion-week-season.html

My Hopefully-Soon-To-Be-Ex: Poster Child for Midlife Crisis!

Shame on me, I should have known; the new Porsche, working out too much and constantly fishing for compliments with "I look pretty good for my age" over and over and over (he didn't, no matter how much he worked out). You starting dying your hair and then the final straw: when you looked at me, I felt your eyes say "meh"!

I knew then we wouldn't grow old together and be like the old couples you still see holding hands as they walk together down the street.

When I met you, you were wearing khakis and polo shirts. A nerd from the east. You weren't cool before you met me.

You called me the recalcitrant teenager when all along I was just being myself and you were becoming the teenager-again.

You will never know how difficult it is for a single mom to raise a teenage son, alone. You left at a point in his life when he needed you the most. An almost man; he needs a man to learn how to be a man. But how could teach him anyway as you were becoming a teenager again?

I remember a time that feels so long ago, before we had children we would go out to dinner and observe over the hill men having dinner with naive young women. We would smile and comment on how nice we thought it was that they were taking their daughters to dinner. 

If I ever run into you with your new amore, I will try my best not to congratulate you on your new daughter!

Here is the link to my latest Cheap Fashion Fix, a visit to a consignment boutique!

http://mycheapfashionfix.blogspot.com/2015/02/repeat-boutique-consignment.html