May as Well Mediate!

It has been awhile since I have posted. Still stuck in the middle of this mess, the girlfriend long gone so he has no reason to speed things along. I knew she was only after his financial support. Being a narcissist he would never believe it, but I think women are able to see the truth that seems to blind some men.

He started this divorce and has postponed everything so it has led to a stall in the proceedings. Now even with attorneys we are headed to mediation. I would have opted for this in the first place but then I wasn't given a choice. 

So it seems that my life is still under his thumb even though we have not lived together for over three years. Why are men still in charge of my life? From the attorneys to my ex, I am powerless in all of this and I don't understand why.

There is finally a light at the end of the tunnel as our mediation date draws near, wish me luck!

Here is my latest blog post for DivorcedMoms.com. Were You Hit By The Hurricane Homewrecker? http://divorcedmoms.com/blogs/divorce-rehab/were-you-hit-by-the-hurricane-homewrecker … via @DivorcedMoms 

I hope you enjoy it!

Now It's Getting Really Ugly!

You devote the majority of your life to marriage and children, then you are replaced by someone half your age. Somehow I didn't think it could get any worse until my hopefully soon-to-be-ex told me that our marriage had been a mistake.

As soon as I heard those words, the only thing that came to mind was the line from the Led Zepplin song D'yer Mak'er; "You hurt me to my soul". Wow, it really did.

That was hitting below the belt. He was not nice to me after we had children but this was the final blow. It is no surprise to me why this divorce is taking so long. He never respected me and expects everything to go his way, well I have a wakeup call for him, it is not going to. I am not going to let him walk over me any longer. He may have felt in charge during our marriage but I am going to be the one in charge of our divorce.

I am the only one that has made forward motion in this divorce. Even with attorneys you must be on top of what is going on. From now on I am going to be and hopefully soon I will get my life back.

If I had it To Over Again!

This week was signing day for many high school students. Sports of course, not how smart, how kind or how artistic the student was but for being good enough at a sport to get into college.

If I was able to guide my children through school again I wouldn't ride them about homework, I would have made sure they enjoyed and became good at a sport. My hopefully soon to-be-ex (yes still) always forced the idea of homework over enjoyment of activities including a sport. Homework was more important than anything including sleep.

The majority of kids that my children grew up with that played sports were signed to a college because they were good at a sport. These kids didn't have the stressful time of applying to colleges. They already knew where they were going to college, and the bigger deal they knew they were going to college. One boy I knew was signed as early as 10th grade. This must have helped high school to be much more enjoyable.

For my son going though life without his father, he decided he didn't want to apply to any college...at all. School has been really difficult for him and very sad. If he had played a sport and had the friendships that come with being part of a team he may have felt positive enough to have made a different decision.

I Hope The Spring Comes Soon, It's Time For A Change!

There hasn't been any forward motion in this divorce in so long and I think I know why. My soon-to-be almost ex hasn't finished his side of all this mountainous paperwork, and then I finally receive a phone call...from him.

I still cringe at the sound of his voice but this time the message was pretty positive. Let's decide on a separation date, this strikes me as funny because I still remember the day he left, why didn't he? I think maybe he finally realized after filling out all of the questions needed to change this date, that it wasn't worth the trouble. Or maybe he never filled it out, either way it has cost more money and time due to his even thinking about changing a real date into a fictitious one. It seems so odd for a man who was always so tight with a dollar is spending all of this money, trying to save money!

Deciding to do something I did have control over (as so much of this process is totally beyond my control) I finally reached out to an old friend someone I haven't seen in as many years as our age when we were friends. I didn't reach out because I figured she was enjoying happy married life. I was wrong about that, she has been divorced for awhile but it has not changed her at all. She is still the vivacious funny girl I remembered. 

If she was able to remain the same happy person she was before her divorce maybe I can too! Time moves so quickly, here we were living such similar lives without being aware of it. I learned that it is important to keep in touch with old friends no matter how busy our lives become!

Be Careful What You Wish For, You Just Might Get It!

Looking back on my marriage, I used to envy friends whose husbands went away on business trips. When they would remark how often their husbands had to be away on business I would laugh and say "I wish my husband would go away on business!" I really did wish that, at least then every day would not have been full of indifference and exasperation and maybe, just maybe we would have had a chance to miss one another! Well now he is gone (at least from the house) and I can no longer make that joke. 

It makes me a little concerned about some of the other subjects I used to joke about, like how my son would use his charming personality for good or evil. Now he seems to be trying to use it to manipulate me, which I am well aware of and not at all amused.

I do believe that whatever you impart to the universe, you usually receive. My mother is a perfect example of this, it seems she has always put forth negativity and in her life she has never had a lot of happiness come her way.  

I have always tried to live the opposite way, I have always tried to remain happy and positive even in the worse circumstances (after all most of us never want to be like our parents) and now I am trying to recall all of the other things I must have joked about, worried that some more may come around to bite me in the butt!

One nice thing I have gotten is my own blog on DIvorcedmoms.com, it is called Divorce Rehab, My Rocky Road To Recovery! I hope you will join me on my road trip, you know it has been a bumpy ride! http://divorcedmoms.com/blogs/divorce-rehab

I have also copied this blog into a Wordpress blog where I can include my photography, https://ididntloseahusbandigainedclosetspace.wordpress.com. I will continue to post to both.

A New Year?

January is already ending with no forward motion in this divorce at all. I have no idea when it will all come to an end and I can finally be allowed to begin the next chapter of my life! 

I was really hoping that this would be the last holiday season in this house filled with too many memories of a life that no longer exists. I feel my kids would be happier as well, as their dad really didn't spend more than a dinner with them and was not in town for the holidays. I think we are all ready to move on.

I did feel blessed to have my kids all to myself, but it also made me feel the power of separation as they are becoming older and moving forward in their own lives.

We are all moving forward together into new lives alone. The big difference is that my children are moving into the most exciting part with all of their lives with so much in front of them and I am moving onto the last part with my happiest memories already behind.

Happy New Year!

You know you are getting older when on New Years's Eve you are the designated driver for your kids. 

I don't mind spending it alone, it gives me a chance to reflect on the past year, thankful for my children (not really children anymore) and hoping this divorce draws to a close in 2016.

I am hopeful that this new year will bring new opportunities and new friends, that I will take more chances and try new things.

I am hoping to renew myself as the year renews and become a better (single) person!

I am hoping that my daughter regains her health and that my son will overcome his depression and learn to embrace happiness, live in the present and maybe even finish high school.

I hope everyone that reads this blog has a wonderful new year filled with joy, love and peace!