Looking back on my marriage, I used to envy friends whose husbands went away on business trips. When they would remark how often their husbands had to be away on business I would laugh and say "I wish my husband would go away on business!" I really did wish that, at least then every day would not have been full of indifference and exasperation and maybe, just maybe we would have had a chance to miss one another! Well now he is gone (at least from the house) and I can no longer make that joke.
It makes me a little concerned about some of the other subjects I used to joke about, like how my son would use his charming personality for good or evil. Now he seems to be trying to use it to manipulate me, which I am well aware of and not at all amused.
I do believe that whatever you impart to the universe, you usually receive. My mother is a perfect example of this, it seems she has always put forth negativity and in her life she has never had a lot of happiness come her way.
I have always tried to live the opposite way, I have always tried to remain happy and positive even in the worse circumstances (after all most of us never want to be like our parents) and now I am trying to recall all of the other things I must have joked about, worried that some more may come around to bite me in the butt!
One nice thing I have gotten is my own blog on DIvorcedmoms.com, it is called Divorce Rehab, My Rocky Road To Recovery! I hope you will join me on my road trip, you know it has been a bumpy ride! http://divorcedmoms.com/blogs/divorce-rehab
I have also copied this blog into a Wordpress blog where I can include my photography, https://ididntloseahusbandigainedclosetspace.wordpress.com. I will continue to post to both.
Monday, February 8, 2016
Sunday, January 31, 2016
A New Year?
January is already ending with no forward motion in this divorce at all. I have no idea when it will all come to an end and I can finally be allowed to begin the next chapter of my life!
I was really hoping that this would be the last holiday season in this house filled with too many memories of a life that no longer exists. I feel my kids would be happier as well, as their dad really didn't spend more than a dinner with them and was not in town for the holidays. I think we are all ready to move on.
I did feel blessed to have my kids all to myself, but it also made me feel the power of separation as they are becoming older and moving forward in their own lives.
We are all moving forward together into new lives alone. The big difference is that my children are moving into the most exciting part with all of their lives with so much in front of them and I am moving onto the last part with my happiest memories already behind.
Friday, January 1, 2016
Happy New Year!
You know you are getting older when on New Years's Eve you are the designated driver for your kids.
I don't mind spending it alone, it gives me a chance to reflect on the past year, thankful for my children (not really children anymore) and hoping this divorce draws to a close in 2016.
I am hopeful that this new year will bring new opportunities and new friends, that I will take more chances and try new things.
I am hoping to renew myself as the year renews and become a better (single) person!
I am hoping that my daughter regains her health and that my son will overcome his depression and learn to embrace happiness, live in the present and maybe even finish high school.
I hope everyone that reads this blog has a wonderful new year filled with joy, love and peace!
I don't mind spending it alone, it gives me a chance to reflect on the past year, thankful for my children (not really children anymore) and hoping this divorce draws to a close in 2016.
I am hopeful that this new year will bring new opportunities and new friends, that I will take more chances and try new things.
I am hoping to renew myself as the year renews and become a better (single) person!
I am hoping that my daughter regains her health and that my son will overcome his depression and learn to embrace happiness, live in the present and maybe even finish high school.
I hope everyone that reads this blog has a wonderful new year filled with joy, love and peace!
Saturday, December 26, 2015
My Divorced Twelve Days Of Christmas!
The holiday season for those of us going through divorce can be a lonely and stressful time. I hope anyone who is reading this knows we are not the only ones going through this difficult time, there are so many of us, and our numbers still seem to be increasing.
To give myself a laugh I decided to create my own Twelve Days Of Christmas, please excuse my artistic license and I hope you get a smile from it!
On the twelfth day of Christmas my almost-ex gave to me:
Twelve summons brain numbing,
Eleven demands griping,
Ten calls kept me from sleeping,
Nine levied financing,
Eight bills a-bilking,
Seven lies a-hymning,
Six hairs a-graying,
Five olden flings,
Four brawling words,
Three Benched Friends,
Two curtailed loves,
And a court date for alimony!
Yes, he is already trying to get it lowered and we are not even finished yet and it has been over two years.
Ah well, Happy Holidays!
To give myself a laugh I decided to create my own Twelve Days Of Christmas, please excuse my artistic license and I hope you get a smile from it!
On the twelfth day of Christmas my almost-ex gave to me:
Twelve summons brain numbing,
Eleven demands griping,
Ten calls kept me from sleeping,
Nine levied financing,
Eight bills a-bilking,
Seven lies a-hymning,
Six hairs a-graying,
Five olden flings,
Four brawling words,
Three Benched Friends,
Two curtailed loves,
And a court date for alimony!
Yes, he is already trying to get it lowered and we are not even finished yet and it has been over two years.
Ah well, Happy Holidays!
Monday, December 14, 2015
Do Nice Guys (Women) Always Finish Last?
I have been the nice guy is this divorce since day one. After my hopefully-soon-to-be ex moved out, I called around to find out who his attorney was. It isn't hard to do, the person answering the phone gets an odd sound in their voice and they say they will get back to you. So I picked an attorney I knew would play well with his attorney.
These attorneys have done this dance together representing opposite sides for decades and I guess it is going so smoothly that NOTHING is happening. In over two years we have had exactly one hearing, my support hearing, I am thankful for that but everything else has been at a standstill.
Everything (no matter how odd) that I have been asked to has been completed in a timely manner including a third (yes, crazy I know) appraisal on the house. My hopefully-soon-to-be ex has not, which is why things are at a standstill.
When I asked about a court order to move things along I was told that it would take too much time and be expensive. Now I wish I had followed through on it when I asked the first time around, about a year ago. I have a feeling we would be farther along if I had pushed the issue.
I have also been the nice guy about bills my hopefully-soon-to-be ex is supposed to pay for, paying them out of my support instead of requesting payment through the attorneys which of course would cost more time and money.
Then this morning I receive a notice for an amount of under $10.00 for a shared expense from my hopefully-soon-to-be ex. This is the day I stop being the nice guy, I only wish I could see his face when he gets MY bill!
These attorneys have done this dance together representing opposite sides for decades and I guess it is going so smoothly that NOTHING is happening. In over two years we have had exactly one hearing, my support hearing, I am thankful for that but everything else has been at a standstill.
Everything (no matter how odd) that I have been asked to has been completed in a timely manner including a third (yes, crazy I know) appraisal on the house. My hopefully-soon-to-be ex has not, which is why things are at a standstill.
When I asked about a court order to move things along I was told that it would take too much time and be expensive. Now I wish I had followed through on it when I asked the first time around, about a year ago. I have a feeling we would be farther along if I had pushed the issue.
I have also been the nice guy about bills my hopefully-soon-to-be ex is supposed to pay for, paying them out of my support instead of requesting payment through the attorneys which of course would cost more time and money.
Then this morning I receive a notice for an amount of under $10.00 for a shared expense from my hopefully-soon-to-be ex. This is the day I stop being the nice guy, I only wish I could see his face when he gets MY bill!
Monday, November 30, 2015
Off With Their Heads!
After my daughter's hospital stay, I realized how we all need to stand up for ourselves and what we believe to be true. We are experts in how we feel within our own bodies and I am learning to listen more carefully to myself.
My daughter had been to the same doctor multiple times because she was not feeling well and each time the doctor asked why she was there, there was nothing wrong with her. That is how she ended up in the hospital. I wish I could have been there to stand up for her but it so hard to parent an adult child on another coast.
Now my son and a medication. He has not been eating at all, so I looked into the side effects and no appetite was at the top of the list. A body needs to eat, no nutrition means no health; mental or physical! Two years have passed with no improvement and I am finally seeking out alternative therapies. I wish I had not waited this long but I didn't realize nothing was improving until everything hit rock bottom.
I couldn't help but think of Alice in Wonderland because that is how I feel, falling down the rabbit hole of divorce, trying to make sense of this new land that keeps changing. Every corner I turn there is another odd occurrence, another Caterpillar or Queen to listen to even though they may be speaking nonsense.
I just hope someday soon I come out the other side more aware of who is a Mad Hatter and who is not.
My daughter had been to the same doctor multiple times because she was not feeling well and each time the doctor asked why she was there, there was nothing wrong with her. That is how she ended up in the hospital. I wish I could have been there to stand up for her but it so hard to parent an adult child on another coast.
Now my son and a medication. He has not been eating at all, so I looked into the side effects and no appetite was at the top of the list. A body needs to eat, no nutrition means no health; mental or physical! Two years have passed with no improvement and I am finally seeking out alternative therapies. I wish I had not waited this long but I didn't realize nothing was improving until everything hit rock bottom.
I couldn't help but think of Alice in Wonderland because that is how I feel, falling down the rabbit hole of divorce, trying to make sense of this new land that keeps changing. Every corner I turn there is another odd occurrence, another Caterpillar or Queen to listen to even though they may be speaking nonsense.
I just hope someday soon I come out the other side more aware of who is a Mad Hatter and who is not.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
A Rose by Any Other Name!
After all of this divorce nonsense is over I am considering just using my first name or maybe my first and middle name as my legal name. All of my other last names have been borrowed for awhile from other men, not ever really feeling like my own.
My first last name and name at birth was borrowed from my father. My father left us and the name seemed empty. This first last name only lasted until I was eight or nine and then I was adopted by my mother's second husband.
My mother's second husband abused me and died by the time I was 12. I often think his death saved me from experiencing further trauma. I used this name until I married my hopefully soon-to-be-ex, glad to be rid of it at last.
This latest last name I have decided will be my last. I have used it for the longest time period of my life. It is the name I let rob me of my dreams and my future. It changed the direction of my life and I let it happen, I guess as I had let the other names control my life when I was a child. Each time shedding the life that came with it. This latest last name means nothing to me now but carries a connection that my other previous last names did not. This last name is also my children's last name which I guess is supposed to mean we are a family. I wonder how they will feel when I drop this last facade of my life.
I think I will wait until they are old enough to understand how important it is for all of us to have our own identity and be able to choose our own destiny and not allow anyone to choose it for us.
My first last name and name at birth was borrowed from my father. My father left us and the name seemed empty. This first last name only lasted until I was eight or nine and then I was adopted by my mother's second husband.
My mother's second husband abused me and died by the time I was 12. I often think his death saved me from experiencing further trauma. I used this name until I married my hopefully soon-to-be-ex, glad to be rid of it at last.
This latest last name I have decided will be my last. I have used it for the longest time period of my life. It is the name I let rob me of my dreams and my future. It changed the direction of my life and I let it happen, I guess as I had let the other names control my life when I was a child. Each time shedding the life that came with it. This latest last name means nothing to me now but carries a connection that my other previous last names did not. This last name is also my children's last name which I guess is supposed to mean we are a family. I wonder how they will feel when I drop this last facade of my life.
I think I will wait until they are old enough to understand how important it is for all of us to have our own identity and be able to choose our own destiny and not allow anyone to choose it for us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)