My Tarnished Silver Anniversary!

Another month; another anniversary. This month I would have been married 25 years, (I guess I am still, due to being stuck in that legally separated void) the silver anniversary that people used to embrace if they were lucky enough to live that long. Evidently the tradition of the silver anniversary dates back to the people of medieval Germany, where the wife was given a wreath of silver. (Oh boy, she deserved that wreath and SO much more.)

It is hard to believe that a year has already gone by and my first support hearing is still a month away. It is no surprise why a lot of women end up financially destitute during this long waiting game. Life moves quickly, the wheels of justice I have found, do not.

The funny part of it, is that I feel like I have put 30 years into a dead end job. I wish (in the beginning) that when he revealed his story of how he told his old girlfriend that he was going running, never to return (to his own house I should add), that he would do the same thing to me so many years later.

I didn't realize he was a narcissist when we met. (It would be great if people came with warning labels, everything else does!) I guess it is because in the beginning he seemed self-assured, I didn't realize until it is too late that it was actually arrogance. His many scenes over the years were tiring. We could never sit at the first place we were offered when dining out, but had to play a mad musical chair game (without the music). It is nice to know that at least now I can sit wherever I want!

   MY Cheap Fashion FIx!

By Trouve

Black leather and spandex skirt

Regular price $148.00

Nordstrom Rack $22.20

I Just Realized I've Become a Member of The First Wives Club.

Last night on TV I watched The First Wives Club for the second time. It's funnier this time around and more poignant. It's fascinating how a movie seems to change when viewed from a different stage in your life. Of course, movies don't change, (unless it is a horrible remake) but our lives do.

The first time I saw it, I was married with a baby. I remember feeling that these women's fictional lives (while really funny) were absurd and so far removed my life; I couldn't imagine that happening to me. Watching it now I realize that I am now living through the same situation (although not as funny in real life), replaced by a much younger woman. It's only funny to me now because I have become a cliché, my story is no different from so many women before me, and I'm sure so many after me as well. I only wish that I had the same good, funny friends to share my experience with, but as many of life's experiences we must face it alone. 

I did discuss the younger woman phenomena with an old friend. We remembered older men chasing us when we were young and we wanted nothing to do with them, we were enjoying time spent with men our own age! The idea of dating an older married man (especially the married part) was something we would never have done. 

While the women in the movie became in charge of their divorces, today marks the date of separation on my divorce papers and my first day in court; my support hearing is still one month away. The movie had a happy ending, with the friends dancing down the street. I only hope that one day I will be done with this phase of my life and will be able to happily dance my way into my new life. 

My Cheap Fashion Fix

By Pinky 

Shear black pleated and 

ethnic print dress

$15.99 at Ross

Really love this dress!

Divorce, Destination Unknown!

Flying back east to take my daughter back to college. Another first: we are traveling alone this year, just the two of us. We picked up the rental car and started the long drive north to yet another state. The sky looked absolutely apocalyptic, dark and menacing clouds seem to block our path, like a scene from a bad movie, our lives and our destination looked bleak, as the skies seemed to warn us, of what I wasn’t sure.

Driving the same route through the same towns from memories of too many family trips to see my soon to be ex’s family. Not mine anymore, (they never even called to see how I was, or the kids; their own niece and nephew).  30 years…I guess I was never really a part of the family, or maybe they knew their brother well enough to know I wouldn’t be part of their family forever. Or maybe they aren’t considerate people.

All of those years, all of that precious time spent visiting people that really didn’t matter in the end. In a bleak area, pretending to be part of a family that I was never really a part of. Now my daughter is here, maybe all of those visits had a positive effect on her. Maybe she has happy memories of this place. If so, then it was worth every moment spent here. I will visit often and hopefully the scene will change for me too, from one of remorse to one of joy!  

I forgot to remember that every cloud really does have a silver lining.

Buying clothing in New Jersey is tax free!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

The perfect gray top for fall

by Elizabeth and James

Regular price $135.00

Purchased at Ross

$9.99

How Do I Not Love Thee Ex-Husband, Let Me Count The Ways!

Summer's long days have allowed me time to think and wax poetic even on the subject of my divorce. Well, actually I can't blame it on the summer, I have been house bound due to having both of my teenager's wisdom teeth extracted at the same time. (What was I thinking?) Summer ends before we know it, leaving so many things to be done before the kids go back to school. This is our first summer alone, taking care of everything and anything that needs to be done. While my hopefully soon to be ex gets to be the free, happy, single person I guess he always was. Probably my mistake, when he told me he was thinking of moving out last year I asked him to wait until our daughter left for college. So he stayed (and was not happy about it). He was only physically here last year, so I should be happy with two teenagers to take care for instead of three. 

Even my kids say it doesn't feel that different, he was never fully invested in their lives or activities. Not until he realizes he has lost total control of the situation and then tries to become part of the family again. That is what happened the other day. He decided he wanted me to wait on my son's extraction, even though his dentist said it was time. He then continued to bring up everything that happened last year, which included his continued denial of having a girlfriend. Why must he always bring up the past when I am trying so hard to live in the present, one day at a time?

He now says he left me because I was decisive, like it was a bad thing. He said I was doing their extractions at the same time because it was easier on me. (This is anything but easy!) Since they both needed it done, I did want them to have a bonding experience, something they could look back on and smile the way they look at each other now when both of them have such swollen cheeks.

So how many is that so far? I've lost count. I really need to get out of the house!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

Light, dip-dyed woven shirt

by Sanctuary

long sleeve shirts sell for $79-$89

Purchased at the Ten Dollar Mall store

$7.99

Divorce Support Hearing Postponed! Really!

I can’t believe my luck. My hopefully soon to be ex (now not so hopefully soon) has been out of the house for almost a year. We finally had our first court date for a support hearing scheduled for next month and now it is being rescheduled.  Another month or more away. Why does this take so long?

Really? Rescheduled? Now? How long do I have to live in suspense? How long do I have to postpone my life? I am not getting any younger.

I have tried not to mind the waiting. I try to stay happy and not think about the loss of control of my own life. I hate waiting for the support checks that may or may not come this month or next month. I was hoping that the court would be able to enforce the checks to at least be on time.

I gave up my own sense of security, receiving my own salary for a career I loved. A career where I was respected. People listened to me AND I was taken to lunch! 

I gave up my freedom and enjoyment of my own life to help a man with his freedom and his life. In repayment for my sacrifice, I received heartache, and indifference. He didn’t appreciate anything I had to offer because in the end my life had no importance to any one but me. I wish I had known.

Even with all of this, I am so thankful and happy for my children, they are worth everything I have gone through and will go through. I would walk through fire for them.

I've been thinking; If people were forced to go through a divorce before they got married, I bet there would be a lot less marriages. And of course a lot less divorces!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

Charles David 

Jessica Suede and Tiger Wedges 

Regular price $295

Purchased at Ross

$8.99