Anniversaries: From Matrimony to Alimony

May is an anniversary of sorts; it has been a year since my husband told me he had been unhappy for a long time.  That was it unhappy, not depressed or lachrymose, just unhappy. (Unhappy, I was miserable!) But I had made a vow "till death do us part" (and he wasn't dead), and I was going to stick to it. I had no idea his "unhappiness" would lead to all of this a year later.

Unhappy in May (2 months after hiring his "girlfriend") to moving out in August. Whatever unhappiness he had been feeling was nothing compared to the misery of living with him that summer. (I guess he finally felt like sharing). His moods made our hot summer a cold one; it was like living with a wild animal that was trying to chew its foot off to free itself from a trap.

Today I received the email about finally setting a court date for alimony in August, (another anniversary, my wedding month). It's hard to believe that it has taken this long.  As someone that worked for her husband and lost their husband and job on the same day, I have been lucky, (I always try to look at the bright side, glass is half full and all of that) I have been getting temporary support checks but every month I worry, sometimes they are late, rarely early, always wondering if they will come...I really don't enjoy that part, the waiting. It feels like I am on a bad game show, did I win the prize this time?

            

 My Cheap Fashion Fix

Slip dresses are in again!

I found this one at

My Sister's Closet

recycled designer apparel  

Laundry by Shelli Segal

$12.00

Regular price range $135-$325

 

A Happy Divorced, Separated and Single Mothers Day!

My son has been watching our videos of when he was a baby, so of course I sat down to watch with him for awhile. I am so glad that I did. Watching him as that small infant, I couldn't believe they were the same person, that almost-man sitting next to me now. Have the years really gone by that quickly? (How many Mother's Days?) 

Then a scene of just the two of us, (I was giving him a bath). I couldn't stop myself as I started to cry happy tears when I saw the look in his eyes on the screen. I had forgotten that look of pure, unconditional love that shines in our baby's eyes as they look at us when they are so small and new to the world. It is the most pure emotion I had witnessed in years! That infinite emotional quality that I had forgotten even existed in the world, (and of course in our world of the separated, divorcing and single moms).

When do we lose that kind of connection? Is it all of the distractions of our daily lives? Can we only look at someone that way when they are new? Or we are new? 

I think as moms we always look at our kids that way. If not always from our eyes but from our hearts. I know I still feel that connection, that warmth I feel as it expands in my chest when I look at them sleeping. After all we carried them for nine months, our hearts beating in sync, one harmonious tune.

Happy Mother's Day!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

Anne Klein Collection 

sarong draped skirt

$3.00

Purchased at 

 Rancho Coastal Humane Society 

Thrift Shop

Every city has thrift stores, 

it is a great way to repurpose,

find great treasures, save money,

and give back to our communities!

Divorce and Personality Phases

Life is sometimes so strange. When we first met, my future husband was so free and fun. If it was a gloomy day, we would sometimes drive until we got to a place that was sunny. No real plans, except to wander. Maybe that is why I fell for him. After we were married I could sense the change coming. He started to become more controlling, no longer were we able to chase the sun. After we had children my husband used to call me a recalcitrant teenager. He became so grizzled and controlling. 

Now that we are divorcing (and he has a younger girlfriend), he has been reborn a  teenager, forever going to concerts and traveling, never in town. Why did having children make him change so drastically and why without children does he feel so free to become himself again? Is this version of himself the real one? Who was he all of those years between getting married and having children? 

I am still who I have always been. Growing and giving birth to two children has not changed me except maybe for the better. More loving, more giving, more caring!  

Thank you to my hopefully soon to be ex for leaving me to care for our son alone. 
I refuse to become prosaic and controlling as you once were. 
I will find my way through this single parenthood with "me" intact. 

My Cheap Fashion Fix

Floral print dress 

from H&M $12.95

(and this is the regular price)

Date of Separation Change, Really, Now?!?

Yesterday was an absolutely perfect day. My first article for Divorcedmoms.com appeared, (DivorcedMoms.com @DivorcedMoms Not letting divorce define you http://ow.ly/vHWSM @sk84fn) it feels so great to see myself in cyber print! I am now a guest author, so check it out, this site made me feel so normal when this all started, I knew I wasn't crazy or alone! Some of the articles even get picked up by other newspapers, so here's to hoping!

Then of course, the email from my attorney, (Why always on perfect days?) an amended petition. (what?) I guess my hopefully soon to be ex has decided to change the date of exactly when he knew he no longer wanted to be married to me! This after seven long months since the date he first decided he wanted a divorce. Straight to divorce, no separation box was marked then, he just wanted out! After 24 years he wanted out now and he wanted out as fast as he could get out! As if there was a fire and he was running for the exit. HE started all of this, he made the decision, he got to choose!

Yet here he was at home, (at least it looked like him) except for the times he took his girlfriend to "business" events. He even told our kids that he had to go, it was important business! More important than spending time with his daughter who was getting ready to move away from home for the first time in her life. He was there on my birthday (one of the worst ones I have ever had). He was there for all of our birthdays. He was on our family vacation too (although he did seem distracted and detached),
but he always acted that way. Nothing too far from our normal everyday lives.

So I am really wondering why the change of date now? Does he want to keep the truth from his girlfriend? That he was still living with his family? Or is it money related? After all of this time I'm still not sure which he loves more!

                    

             My Cheap Fashion Fix

I spotted a top like this one in black displayed 

in a designer window in Los Angeles last month. 

Sleeveless trapeze top with center zipper by Fond 

Purchased at ZFashion (10dollarmall.com online)

$5.99

Divorce Papers (and papers and papers and papers)!

Six months after being served the divorce papers (Thank goodness they were served to my lawyer, I feel for anyone who receives them in person!) I finally met with my attorney and forensic accountant. (I didn't even know that was a job before all of this.) The first court date is still a couple of months away, and now I have been told that the current best estimate for all of this to be over is three years!

I have spent most of this time itemizing my married life. Gifts, clothing, furniture and even travel photos. Check stubs and credit card statements, receipt by receipt. Isn't it sad how once happy memories now become nothing more than a financial record? A new yardstick to measure the majority of my life and my worth as a wife. So much paper, 
if laid end to end it would wrap around the house a multitude of times.

On top of all of this my soon to be ex now wants a video of the contents of our  house, which is so strange. He hasn't been gone that long, is that why it was so easy for him to walk away? No memory of his previous life? I told him he could have all of the furniture in the house, he picked everything out anyway! 
The items I want don't have a monetary value: kids drawings and stories, poems and wobbly pots made from small hands. Mementos from our travel as a family.

The brightest point in all of this is no matter how long it takes, I will always be younger than my ex when I gain my freedom and now I can choose my own furniture, thank you very much!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

Cuffed capri wallpaper print jeans

by Miss Me $94.00 

purchased at Ross for $14.99

The Divorce Information Highway

In this age of too much information, available too quickly, why was I still the last to know I would be getting divorced? I mean I had my suspicions, but due to my positive nature, I never really thought about it. He told me he had been unhappy for a long time. (So that's why he was so mean to me, duh, I just thought it was because he was a self-centered narcissist.) Funny, He didn't tell me he had been unhappy until 2 months after he had hired a new girl. 
The worse part about this is I had been nice to her! 

Friends had seen them together, and I guess didn't want to tell me for the fear that they were wrong. Please, next time tell me! I welcome any information that may be helpful to my life! If I had known I would have done some things differently, like putting away money or charging some really nice things to our credit card! Definitely would have upgraded my cell phone anyway.

So I started looking for information, not to get back, but for financial reasons (and to make sure I wasn't the crazy one, because that is what he kept telling me, and is actually still telling me 10 months later). 

He started taking lots of time off work. (Funny he never did that for his family.) He took her to concerts and sporting events, (telling his kids that it was for business and he had to go) to Chile (yes, the country, can you believe this) to see a concert, to Napa Valley for his birthday and now a lovely ski vacation for his girlfriend's birthday.(I had a feeling, he finally came to pick up his ski boots!) 

How do I know for sure, you may be asking yourself? That is the great part of having your husband leave you for someone so young, they live their lives online! Almost anything you would like to know is available through their Twitter, Facebook or Instagram accounts! They just love living their lives in their own pretend limelight!

Oh and congratulations are due, I think they are engaged!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

A Banana Republic 

lovely gold eyelet embroidered 

white cotton skirt 

with tags still attached $5.00

Original price $78.00

From

Community Resource Center Thrift Store

Providing families in need and victims of domestic violence with safety, stability and a path to self-sufficiency

Buying myself a treat while helping others in need, priceless!

Happy Valentine's Day to Me!

To combat loneliness and give me something to write about, (Since I don't have a life!) I joined the reality based world of online dating! Why do I feel like I'm back in high school, I really didn't like high school the first time around, I don't think I am going to like it any better now! 

I can still recall, like it was yesterday..oh yeah, it was yesterday, the ones you want to call never call, (I have a nagging feeling that their wives probably found out!) and I am still a geek magnet! Why am I still attracted to the wrong ones, the handsome ones that are nothing but trouble, without jobs. Why do some things never change? People come and go like the tide, some you hear from, sound really interested, and you never hear from them again. Some get upset if you don't answer their emails right away, and some just want to waste your time talking on the phone because in the end you will never meet. 

There are the rare few that hang in there for better or worse (Sound familiar?) see you when they can and don't make you feel bad when you don't have the time, because after all, we are adults still living in the real world with real jobs that take up most of our time. That's why at my age I am supposed to be settled down and not dumped back in the dating pool. I really don't have time! Did I mention how hard it is to be attracted to a man my age? Even I don't want to date men my age, why on earth would they want to date me? 

Oh, and don't even get me started about all the boy-men that say they are attracted to older women, when did all of this happen? I end up becoming their online mom telling them to date young, beautiful people while they are still young! Most of them are much to young to have seen "The Summer of 42"  
I feel like I have totally missed MY hot age. When I was young, men didn't want girls, they wanted women and now that I am a woman, all they want are young girls!!!! When do I get MY turn?

Thank you universe for making my life a bad joke! (Maybe I can get a book 
deal out of this?)




           My Cheap Fashion Fix

A sweet treat for Valentines Day without the calories!

A chocolate brown silk camisole 

and skirt with beading and embroidered

flowers

From DAV Disabled American Veteran's Thrift Stores

Johnny Was 

Original prices on their silk dresses

$198 and up
$3.95
My best find so far!