Divorce and Personality Phases

Life is sometimes so strange. When we first met, my future husband was so free and fun. If it was a gloomy day, we would sometimes drive until we got to a place that was sunny. No real plans, except to wander. Maybe that is why I fell for him. After we were married I could sense the change coming. He started to become more controlling, no longer were we able to chase the sun. After we had children my husband used to call me a recalcitrant teenager. He became so grizzled and controlling. 

Now that we are divorcing (and he has a younger girlfriend), he has been reborn a  teenager, forever going to concerts and traveling, never in town. Why did having children make him change so drastically and why without children does he feel so free to become himself again? Is this version of himself the real one? Who was he all of those years between getting married and having children? 

I am still who I have always been. Growing and giving birth to two children has not changed me except maybe for the better. More loving, more giving, more caring!  

Thank you to my hopefully soon to be ex for leaving me to care for our son alone. 
I refuse to become prosaic and controlling as you once were. 
I will find my way through this single parenthood with "me" intact. 

My Cheap Fashion Fix

Floral print dress 

from H&M $12.95

(and this is the regular price)

Date of Separation Change, Really, Now?!?

Yesterday was an absolutely perfect day. My first article for Divorcedmoms.com appeared, (DivorcedMoms.com @DivorcedMoms Not letting divorce define you http://ow.ly/vHWSM @sk84fn) it feels so great to see myself in cyber print! I am now a guest author, so check it out, this site made me feel so normal when this all started, I knew I wasn't crazy or alone! Some of the articles even get picked up by other newspapers, so here's to hoping!

Then of course, the email from my attorney, (Why always on perfect days?) an amended petition. (what?) I guess my hopefully soon to be ex has decided to change the date of exactly when he knew he no longer wanted to be married to me! This after seven long months since the date he first decided he wanted a divorce. Straight to divorce, no separation box was marked then, he just wanted out! After 24 years he wanted out now and he wanted out as fast as he could get out! As if there was a fire and he was running for the exit. HE started all of this, he made the decision, he got to choose!

Yet here he was at home, (at least it looked like him) except for the times he took his girlfriend to "business" events. He even told our kids that he had to go, it was important business! More important than spending time with his daughter who was getting ready to move away from home for the first time in her life. He was there on my birthday (one of the worst ones I have ever had). He was there for all of our birthdays. He was on our family vacation too (although he did seem distracted and detached),
but he always acted that way. Nothing too far from our normal everyday lives.

So I am really wondering why the change of date now? Does he want to keep the truth from his girlfriend? That he was still living with his family? Or is it money related? After all of this time I'm still not sure which he loves more!

                    

             My Cheap Fashion Fix

I spotted a top like this one in black displayed 

in a designer window in Los Angeles last month. 

Sleeveless trapeze top with center zipper by Fond 

Purchased at ZFashion (10dollarmall.com online)

$5.99

Divorce Papers (and papers and papers and papers)!

Six months after being served the divorce papers (Thank goodness they were served to my lawyer, I feel for anyone who receives them in person!) I finally met with my attorney and forensic accountant. (I didn't even know that was a job before all of this.) The first court date is still a couple of months away, and now I have been told that the current best estimate for all of this to be over is three years!

I have spent most of this time itemizing my married life. Gifts, clothing, furniture and even travel photos. Check stubs and credit card statements, receipt by receipt. Isn't it sad how once happy memories now become nothing more than a financial record? A new yardstick to measure the majority of my life and my worth as a wife. So much paper, 
if laid end to end it would wrap around the house a multitude of times.

On top of all of this my soon to be ex now wants a video of the contents of our  house, which is so strange. He hasn't been gone that long, is that why it was so easy for him to walk away? No memory of his previous life? I told him he could have all of the furniture in the house, he picked everything out anyway! 
The items I want don't have a monetary value: kids drawings and stories, poems and wobbly pots made from small hands. Mementos from our travel as a family.

The brightest point in all of this is no matter how long it takes, I will always be younger than my ex when I gain my freedom and now I can choose my own furniture, thank you very much!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

Cuffed capri wallpaper print jeans

by Miss Me $94.00 

purchased at Ross for $14.99

The Divorce Information Highway

In this age of too much information, available too quickly, why was I still the last to know I would be getting divorced? I mean I had my suspicions, but due to my positive nature, I never really thought about it. He told me he had been unhappy for a long time. (So that's why he was so mean to me, duh, I just thought it was because he was a self-centered narcissist.) Funny, He didn't tell me he had been unhappy until 2 months after he had hired a new girl. 
The worse part about this is I had been nice to her! 

Friends had seen them together, and I guess didn't want to tell me for the fear that they were wrong. Please, next time tell me! I welcome any information that may be helpful to my life! If I had known I would have done some things differently, like putting away money or charging some really nice things to our credit card! Definitely would have upgraded my cell phone anyway.

So I started looking for information, not to get back, but for financial reasons (and to make sure I wasn't the crazy one, because that is what he kept telling me, and is actually still telling me 10 months later). 

He started taking lots of time off work. (Funny he never did that for his family.) He took her to concerts and sporting events, (telling his kids that it was for business and he had to go) to Chile (yes, the country, can you believe this) to see a concert, to Napa Valley for his birthday and now a lovely ski vacation for his girlfriend's birthday.(I had a feeling, he finally came to pick up his ski boots!) 

How do I know for sure, you may be asking yourself? That is the great part of having your husband leave you for someone so young, they live their lives online! Almost anything you would like to know is available through their Twitter, Facebook or Instagram accounts! They just love living their lives in their own pretend limelight!

Oh and congratulations are due, I think they are engaged!

My Cheap Fashion Fix

A Banana Republic 

lovely gold eyelet embroidered 

white cotton skirt 

with tags still attached $5.00

Original price $78.00

From

Community Resource Center Thrift Store

Providing families in need and victims of domestic violence with safety, stability and a path to self-sufficiency

Buying myself a treat while helping others in need, priceless!

Happy Valentine's Day to Me!

To combat loneliness and give me something to write about, (Since I don't have a life!) I joined the reality based world of online dating! Why do I feel like I'm back in high school, I really didn't like high school the first time around, I don't think I am going to like it any better now! 

I can still recall, like it was yesterday..oh yeah, it was yesterday, the ones you want to call never call, (I have a nagging feeling that their wives probably found out!) and I am still a geek magnet! Why am I still attracted to the wrong ones, the handsome ones that are nothing but trouble, without jobs. Why do some things never change? People come and go like the tide, some you hear from, sound really interested, and you never hear from them again. Some get upset if you don't answer their emails right away, and some just want to waste your time talking on the phone because in the end you will never meet. 

There are the rare few that hang in there for better or worse (Sound familiar?) see you when they can and don't make you feel bad when you don't have the time, because after all, we are adults still living in the real world with real jobs that take up most of our time. That's why at my age I am supposed to be settled down and not dumped back in the dating pool. I really don't have time! Did I mention how hard it is to be attracted to a man my age? Even I don't want to date men my age, why on earth would they want to date me? 

Oh, and don't even get me started about all the boy-men that say they are attracted to older women, when did all of this happen? I end up becoming their online mom telling them to date young, beautiful people while they are still young! Most of them are much to young to have seen "The Summer of 42"  
I feel like I have totally missed MY hot age. When I was young, men didn't want girls, they wanted women and now that I am a woman, all they want are young girls!!!! When do I get MY turn?

Thank you universe for making my life a bad joke! (Maybe I can get a book 
deal out of this?)




           My Cheap Fashion Fix

A sweet treat for Valentines Day without the calories!

A chocolate brown silk camisole 

and skirt with beading and embroidered

flowers

From DAV Disabled American Veteran's Thrift Stores

Johnny Was 

Original prices on their silk dresses

$198 and up
$3.95
My best find so far! 

For Every Action There is an Equal and Opposite Reaction! (but not always...)

We got married, so I left my career, to help him with his career. 
We had a difficult time having kids, so I went through multiple in vitro procedures, and he had a career. We were blessed with children, I raised our children, and he had a career.  The children grew up, I grew old and my husband became a child again. I had an SUV, he bought a Porsche! He hired a girl to help with his career and she became his young girlfriend. He said she was his right hand, what was I during all of those years?  He wanted a divorce, and I was surprised! 
He got a lawyer, so I got a lawyer.
I gave up everything, he thought it was nothing. 
Liars, new hires and affairs, oh my! My own personal yellow brick road.

I loved my career, I had worked many years to get to where I was and if I hadn't made the one change that altered the entire course of my life I would be making a great living entirely on my own and traveling to foreign countries (Nice ones, with fashion shows!) as well! (Breathe, just breathe!) 

Why is it that women are usually the ones that give up everything! (I rode the tornado, dropped the house and NOW you want me to get her sister's broom as well?) Not always, there are some awesome men along life's road (Somewhere...) that make the sacrifice, but it is still mostly women. Why have women still not achieved equality? Is it because men installed the "glass ceiling"? Finally, why did I not force my then future husband to choose an emerald city that would have benefited both of our careers? 

Now as I find myself on a the beginning of a new road, I am still so thankful for following my heart, instead of my brain. My children were worth every sacrifice, and if I hadn't had the courage to follow that road, I would not have them in my life. Now to find some red shoes......

My Cheap Fashion Fix

A dress in green to celebrate the spring!

From Nordstrom Rack 

 Vince Camuto 

Originally $128.00 

$8.24

Looking Forward to a Happy (and single) 2014!

Happy New Year! 

When I first learned I was going to be divorcing, (Why is it usually a surprise?) 
I asked divorced friends what they did to fill their time, besides filling out the overwhelming amount of paperwork involved.  The answer I received more than once was "Well, do you like to read?" Now I like to read as much as anyone, but I felt if was not fair that my soon to be ex was dating and out having fun, (Well, he must have been or why would he have wanted a divorce in the first place?) and I was supposed to fill my hours with reading and a new cat. 

So, I decided to join the millions of other single (Or soon to be single, or pretending to be single.) people and join an online dating site. I googled top dating sites and one of my first searches came up with the 100 best dating sites. I had no idea there were 100 sites, let alone 100 best. So I picked the first 2 I had heard about and paid for 6 months before I found out that many of the sites are free, so I signed up for 2 free sites as well. 

I don't have a lot of results to share yet, except that now I know I am not alone on this "Isle of Divorce" and I can still get compliments from the opposite sex. (Gosh, it had been so long that I was starting to feel like Quasimodo!) 

I am finding that free sites contain more married men. Well of course, no credit card payment means no paper trail. So if all that I accomplish in my new online dating life is making a few married men feel bad about being on these sites, then my job here is done!






My Cheap Fashion Fix 

A Stella & Jamie Castilla jacket in Dove

on sale $25.00 at TJMaxx

Today I found this jacket online for $328.00